The Last Day

Well, yesterday was Connors last day at preschool. Its ironic that while our kids played (in the vincinity of each other, for the most part) the parents and teachers were the ones that cried. You see, some of our kids are moving on to Kindergarten and Connor is one of them. As a parent, I can tell you it hurts so very much in so many ways. We feel like we are little fish being thrown into the ocean. Now, just as we felt that our children were in a comfortable safe place and we felt that the teachers who were so gifted and we had become so close to, we had to move on. I watched teachers and parents cry but I tried so very hard to pretend that we would be back as usual the next day. If I had really let myself go emotionally I am sure I would have completely lost it. Now, we will be on unfamiliar territory. Some of us will learn far more about IEP's and how very much they will mean to us and our children. Some of us will forgo the normal route of schooling and set out to make a change in a school that doesn't know very much at all about the autism spectrum. This is the route I have chosen. I am scared. Did I make the right choice? Was it really for me or for Connor? What happens if this experiment fails?What next? I have done all the paperwork, arranged the financing, talked to the teachers and principal, hired an aide, and even helped to start a support group. I'm not sure what else I could possibly do. Still I am scared that it will all fall apart and then our choices will be few.

WANTED!

  After reading some other moms blogs, a funny thought ran through my head. If I were to write a want ad seeking new friends, what would it look like? Here is what I came up with:

                                                     WANTED!



MMOAS (Married Mother of Autistic Son) seeking lasting friendship (a week +). Must be a female (I don't need any trouble at home, thanks!). No experience needed with Autism, but would be a plus. Must be willing to call occasionally and say "Hey, hows it going?". Ideal candidate must contend with me accepting 1 out of 100 invitations to morning coffee, moms nights out,  lunches etc., my house being a wreck on any given day of the week as well as hearing lots of talk about my kids, Autism, etc. Benefits include loyalty, sympathetic listener, free advice and opinions like you wouldn't believe.  Qualified candidate should reply to:

                   1-800-I WILL CALL YOU BACK AS SOON AS I CAN

Angels Among Us

   The more years that pass, the harder it seems to be to maintain friendships let alone develop new ones. Our lives get busy when children come along and careers mature. When you have a child with Autism it becomes even more difficult. One or more therapist visits are a weekly occurrence. My "coffee club" consists of chatting with Connors preschool director after I drop him off in the morning. My sons therapists and I are pretty buddy-buddy and I am convinced we will be seeing the speech therapist until she retires. She has been working at her job now for 2 years. When I talk to the therapists, they know what I mean. When I asked them to join us on the Autism Walk, they were there. One of the therapists had just had her baby a few days before! They have moved their schedules around to accommodate Connor more times than I can count and have been such a gift to us! One good thing about Connors diagnosis is that I never would have met this wonderful, talented, dedicated group of women.

  I now believe Connors preschool director, Paulette was sent by God to guide me and other parents like me through through this period in our lives. When I met Paulette, I had little to no idea which way to turn. She has helped me to help myself  carve out the best path I possibly can to help my son reach his full potential. She also pointed out that I had choices. I could chose to do ABA therapy or any of the other thousands of therapies, etc. out there. The point was that I was doing something. She has done so much more above and beyond the call of duty than I could possibly even recall. I can say that she inspires me daily to see beyond my own situation and reach out to others because you  really don't need to be an expert or have solutions or even vast amounts of time on your hands. Sometimes all you need to do is reach out to another parent and say "Yep, I hear ya."

 

The Elephant in the Room

Have the people around me changed or am I just becoming more jaded over time? Back in the days before Connors diagnosis I ran a play group at my church. Our children played, moms smiled and chatted, grateful to be be out of the house and talking to other adults. Now, my oldest is in first grade and my son will be entering Kindergarten at her school this fall. She is excited that her little brother will be going to the same school. My husband is working his hind end off to send them both there. I am working my rear off as well just trying to get him enrolled and set up with an aide for next year. Mainstream school! We actually are going to be able to mainstream him! I was able to find a potential  aide who, get this, is actually excited at the prospect of working with my son, believe me when I say its not the prospect of what she is getting paid that is exciting to her. My cup runneth over with joy.......that is until I had coffee one morning last week with one of the afore mentioned mothers from play group. Her son will be in my sons class and I actually thought that would be a plus prior to the coffee incident last week. She asked me how it was going with enrolling my son in school.

"Great!" I said, "He will be able to use his Ipad to communicate in class."
 "Really, what if other parents call and complain that it is a distraction or demand that their child should use one too?"
"Well, they are welcome to call me with questions. Besides that, it will be written into his IEP so there shouldn't be any question about him being able to use it."
"Well, I know that Mr. S. (principal) doesn't like distractions in the classroom."
"Well he really won't have much of a choice. There are laws in place protecting my sons right to use his Ipad and the school is not exempt from those laws".

Lets just say the conversation wasn't very pleasant from there on out. I tried to do the right thing. I apologized for raising my voice, I explained that I was under a lot of stress right now trying to get him enrolled and that it is a particularly sensitive subject. She had caught me off guard. I can handle one day at time, more than that and I do believe I would step right off the nearest cliff. I had to practically sell my soul just to get him into Kindergarten at this school that I truly believed was the best place for him and she brings stuff up like this? In the week following I found out that If I had just sprouted horns I wouldn't have been treated any differently than I am now. She was quick to spread the news of my negativity to other moms at the school, no doubt I am now labled as the angry mom with the disabled child. On that note, I am reminded of an Irish toast from the movie "The Quiet Man".  

    "To those of you who like me, God Bless you.
    Those that do not like me, may God give them
    a little twist of the ankle so that I might know them
    by their limp".